REKT - Chapter 19

Always on My Mind

My phone rings five hours after touching down on Maui. It is Joe. He’s decided to return my calls. I don’t know how reception works on jets, but I doubt this is the first time he’s been able to reach me. Maybe he feels guilty enough to have to call me back, maybe he’s just bored. I step out onto the porch, look past the acres of grasses and out into the infinite blue of sea and sky. The world can be so huge when you think about it. We are such small creatures traversing it.

“Joe.”

“Hey Ryan. Sorry man, I really did want to call you sooner, but Andy was up. I wanted to wait until he went to sleep. There’s not a lot of privacy on the jet. You know how it is.”

“No, I don’t know how it is. I’ve never dealt with a kidnapping situation before.”

Fuck Joe. He’s getting nothing from me. Coming on like a friend. Yeah right, he’s made my life exponentially more difficult.

“Kidnapping?”

“What do you call this?”

“I call it helping my brother out. Andy called for me, asked me to help him. I answered the call. Where were you?”

“New York, handling business.”

“What is so important in New York that you left Andy by himself for three days?”

“Three days. I was barely on the ground for eighteen hours. It’s not easy shuttling back and forth between Maui and Manhattan.”

“Ryan, what was so important in Manhattan?”

My hand grips the porch railing in frustration. I cannot tell Joe about the payoff, but he’s going to think of me as a piece of shit friend. This isn’t the first time I’ve left Andy alone. This isn’t the first time Joe’s flown in to watch over him.

“I can’t tell you Joe.”

“And you couldn’t tell Andy?”

“Not in his present state.”

“Why are you babying him? Andy is a full-grown man. It’s not on you to say what Andy can or cannot hear.”

“No, that’s his doctor’s job not mine. I didn’t make up these rules. She did. I’m just following them so that Andy can get better. You know what one of those rules was?”

“What?” Joe asks.

“That you can’t take Andy before he’s finished his treatment. They are still trying to stabilize him and balance his medication. Turn around and bring him back.”

“That’s not happening Ryan.”

I’m pacing up and down the porch. Arguing with Joe is maddening. He’s so single minded, such a righteous little prick.

“Where are you going? Better not be back to Miami and that Erskine shit.”

“We are going home to Chicago. Andy wants to go back to his place. Maui wasn’t working for him. You weren’t working for him.”

“You don’t think I was working for Andy? Everything I’ve been doing is for him.”

“And look where that got Andy. Locked up in a psych ward,” Joe says.

Did he just blame me for that? He did, right?

“Asshole, do you remember how this started? He was locked up in a psych ward thanks to you.”

“Ryan, you are holding Andy back. You’ve been jealous of his success and are trying to keep him from his moment. His time is now. He needs to be in position on the field. Andy is manifesting, rising to the occasion. Miami was just a setback on his hero’s journey. You are a close friend who is betraying him. He is overcoming that now, in this moment, his moment of manifestation.”

Hero’s journey, moment of manifestation? Oh shit, I’m about to get Deacon Joe’d. If he didn’t have Andy with him, I’d hang up now. What’s coming next is going to be stupid cubed.

“What are you talking about?”

“I came to visit Andy because he called me. When I saw what sort of shape he was in, I decided he needed to go to Willie’s to feel some love, to be surrounded by compassion.”

“Willie’s?”

“Willie Nelson. He has a place out there. We are old Austin friends. My mom did the ceramics for his house. Anyway, at Willie’s we ran into Ram Dhawarjan. He had a consultation with Andy. Andy came out of that transformed. He’s leaving you Ryan. He’s emerging from his chrysalis to enter onto the stage at this most transformational moment. Andy is the agent of change for money. Your earlier attempts were a test of character, a test of wills, a proving ground. Andy has been proven. He’s been chosen. You, Ryan, have failed. He is leaving you behind.”

“Go fuck yourself Joe. Andy wouldn’t do that to me. You’ve taken a delicate man at a vulnerable moment and filled his head with funny talk. You are preying on Andy, and I am not going to let that happen to him. I’ll see you in Chicago and we’ll sort this entire thing out.”

“Ryan, resentment is a natural reaction, especially among lower forms. I do not hold this against you. I forgive you. Before you come chasing after Andy, go and visit with Ram. Speak with him. Hear what he has to say, let the words sink in. Let his message touch your soul. Perhaps you can still serve Andy, perhaps you’ll gain the clarity to let him go. Talk to Ram, look within.”

Click. Did he just hang up on me? That little piece of shit. What the fuck was that? I’m not good enough. Andy is leaving me behind. This Svengali is manipulating Andy. He’s filled his head up with nonsense, he’s feeding his mania and hiding behind spiritual enlightenment now. We are talking about money here. There is no god in money. Who is Ram Dharwarjan anyway? A friend of Willie Nelson. Someone on the island. Someone I need to talk to before heading back to Chicago. I cannot deal with these people.  

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